FW: Purchase Complaint 22789
She was the perfect girlfriend.
In the beginning.
She was everything I asked for: she threw herself at life unashamedly and unapologetically, and she did it wearing a tiny bikini. We’ve travelled around the world together. Without her, I would never have seen such beautiful horizons: a palette of pink and yolk yellow, golden shimmers and hypnotic purples and indigo.
Without her, I would never have brushed through sweeping jungles where the birds seem mythical. I would never have swam in open seas with whales the length of barges. I would never have trekked up momentous mountains where the paths are as untouched as the beaches of undiscovered islands. And I never would have had sex in these places. Technically she could never touch me but that was alright in the beginning.
Fully charged, the next morning we would go back in time: we danced to old music legends and visited the tombs of pharaohs. It was the third historical trip where things started going wrong. Since that trip things have only got worse.
We went to the Roman Colosseum and I roared with glee when the lion tore the hero apart. Madeira’s face never changed from the same Miss America smile it always has. Even when an innocent man is screaming with agony, her posture never falters. It’s another thing that never changes about her, and it now gets really under my skin. She’s always the same.
Her short simple answers can’t solve my worries. She can’t give me what I really want: companionship.
She’ll never share my bed. She’ll never touch me. She’ll never give me a family. She irritates me. Every time she flicks her hair and laughs, trills, it’s more like the trill of a small bell ringing for attention. Her body annoys me – always in that hot pink bikini with a huge rack, (as requested), but I’m tired of seeing them.
She can’t tell me anything about herself. She doesn’t even have a last name. With a name as imaginative as ‘Madeira’ she could at least make something up. But whenever I’ve asked, she just flicks her hair and trills, her huge fake breasts bouncing along. That’s the response I get to all the questions I ask: “what did you want to be when you were little?”, “do you have any regrets in life?”, “would you want a family one day?”, “do you love me?”
It was at the Colosseum that I hit her. With my fist. I wanted the blood to burst from her nose, I wanted her to scream or weep, just something… human. But the reaction was the same as always. In a rage I hurled the closest object at her and it sailed past her. The smashing of glass against my living room wall was real and I jumped out of my skin. She paid no attention but misinterpreted my heart rhythm spike as arousal. She puckered her lips and moaned “yeah baby” like a seasoned porn star. She de-robed there on the Colosseum steps and the sounds of a lion tearing a man apart was muted for the RnB track I had selected for the ‘intimate’ slot. But I’m never in the mood. I thought she was a goddess with velvet skin and accentuated features but she has no substance.
I want to erase her and start afresh with a new girl. Do you offer girls with looks and a personality? My contract runs out at the end of the month.
Thanks,
Jackrabbit84
RE: Purchase Complaint 22789
Dear Jackrabbit84,
Thank you for getting in touch with us regarding your account with Girlfriend Simulator. We make every effort to create the perfect girl that meets your every need. We are sorry to hear that your girlfriend did not meet your requirements. You can pay off your remaining credit balance and start fresh with a new girl.
We have girls who are beautiful and smart and funny, but as it is a virtual reality simulation, the girls are not able to formulate answers to complex questions. This is something we are working on for the extension pack which will be available to add on to your current account next year.
I have sent a gift e-voucher to compensate for the smashed belonging.
Thank you,
Customer Services
Girlfriend Simulation®
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